HOW THE SIGNS
HANDLE CORONAVIRUS

ARIES: 
Quarantine?  Oh goodie!  I can finally start all those projects that I never finished.

TAURUS:  **** toilet paper.  Raids Sephora and the best food specialty markets in town.

GEMINI:  Is of two minds about the whole thing.  Has read every headline and can see getting the virus on one hand…yet can’t see it happening, either.

CANCER:  Stockpiled food and is already cooking and eating much of it.

LEO:  Has already found a way to livestream during self-isolation.

VIRGO:  Is disinfecting everything on the hour and inventorying their color-coded
pantry.

LIBRA:  Will not be caught dead wearing sweatpants, even at home.  And you, over there, stop fighting over the food, because there’s enough for all.  Show some dignity!

SCORPIO:  You mean speakeasy, not quarantine, right?   Password:  “10MONTHSFROMNOW.”  Because we all know that a quarantine = a baby boom?

SADGE:  Will find a way to play floor hockey with a broom and wadded piece of paper.  Will also tell the best, off-colour jokes
about all of it.

CAPRICORN:  Will find a way to monetize from home, structure, manage and delegate chores.

AQUARIUS:  Will find it all to be a conspiracy foisted upon us by aliens from outer space but are most likely to let you use their can opener, if you need.

PISCES:  It’s all too much!  Will Netflix and chill then nap in between providing an ear for you to vent to.

Over a year ago, when I was writing up the Summer Solstice Horoscope book, the week of March 23rd through April 11th of 2020 popped off the page to me.

The monthly scopes I post here are for fun and general weather, but what I spend my time doing offsite is compiling comprehensive data sets for a variety of events.  So a year ago at this time (and again, as late as last month), I’d mulled what type of situation would create a scenario of martial law, meaning, heavy restrictions on citizen movement.  9/11 is the first thing that came to mind, when air traffic halted.  Of course, I have a bias, reference and personal experience with that date.

I felt like what I was looking at was potentially coming from underground.  So I checked my data sets for underground transport.  Nothing.  Yet maddeningly, New York City appeared to be on lockdown.  To close friends, I expressed my frustration because I was worried this was going to affect a lot of people.

[3.30.2020 update: a subway incident, after all.]

Then someone said to me out of the blue, “Hey, you were right about these headlines!  I remember that study on outbreaks you did 2 years ago.”  I revisited my notes, and there it was.  And here we are.  A lot happens in two years.  It’s so easy to fall toward bias based on known points of reference and experience.  Sometimes, making educated guesses can feel like the parable of the blind men who tried to describe an elephant.

Often, my first inclination is to withhold, out of caution and responsibility.  The other option is to come across like a coy cat who ate the canary but spits out only a few feathers as a clue, and that can be just as annoying.  What I can tell you is that if I suspect a bear is lurking around the corner, I’ll deal with it when I turn that corner.  No point in melting down about it.  Mark Twain once said, “Worry is interest paid on a debt you might not even owe.”

I’ve debated the best way to approach all this.  Some friends have stated bluntly their preference for sparkly moonbeams and unicorn-hued horoscopes because they’re of the mind that the world can be depressing enough as it is when you’re in need of inspiration.  I get that.  When the headlines offer a grim drum beat, what does everyone do?  Panic shop.  Others say they want a 20/20 periscope view, don’t sugar-coat it, please.

One entire weekend ago, I caught up with a good friend I hadn’t seen in a while for coffee, and even then, going out to meet anyone anywhere was already starting to feel like a borderline, surreptitious act, given that inwardly debatable fulcrum point when doubt tips toward accepting the unacceptable.  We made some bad jokes and socially distanced ourselves from a nearby table by moving one table over.  She mentioned that attending a Broadway show serves as her main form of therapy whenever she has the good fortune to nab a lottery ticket for one, but this outbreak had her worried.

I reflected on how this current time period directly echoes one from the early 1980s—when HIV became a Thing of Terror, which no one had a
clear fix on.  Early on, based on the demographics
most affected, that outbreak wasn’t given serious, public attention until Magic Johnson revealed his diagnosis.  Then mandates fell into place for several years that required HIV testing for anyone
considering something as dangerous as corporate employment or obtaining a marriage license.

At the same time, Joseph Papp, founder of The Public Theatre, led a “Save the Theatres” campaign, entirely unrelated to that outbreak.  This made me wonder if a Broadway shutdown could be imminent.  Not that anyone wants that.  Entertainment and stories are vital.

Last Sunday I made a mental note that I really ought to take time to enjoy more after finding thirty minutes of comic relief in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Four days before writing this, an offer of $50 Broadway show tickets hit my in-box that I giddily forwarded along.  Wheee!  Two days later, Broadway shut down.

What can I tell you?  Stuff happens.  It’s all in how you choose to deal with it and respond to it.  Self-isolating for the greater good has been a historically effective effort to flatten contagion dating back to 1570, when Venice and Milan both suffered a plague.  It’s a first for this era.

Don’t expect an immediate change back to normal next week.  Or the week after.  If you need a historical reference for the end of March, read here.

I’m not sure how I can offer solace, except to say, there’s always room to make wise choices, your best choices, ones you can sleep with.  Look out for someone else who needs it.   Check in by text or Facetime.  Limit the news-watching.  Listen to music. Read a book.  Take the time to cook and prepare something you haven’t made in a long while. Above all, find daily gratitude, appreciation and satisfaction in small moments wherever you can.

Come June 2020:  healthcare reform will likely be the most pressing theme occupying
headlines.

Please lay low and stay well!!  And thank you for checking in!!